Runaway

November 26, 2009 at 7:37 pm · Filed under Uncategorized

Suddenly, i have the urge of writing something. I know that i shouldn’t ..coz come on, it’s ass pee m, i should be focusing on things like bio, physics, chemistry etc… but but, haha, here i go again. typing something to please myself. love it, totally!

Being a valendictorian, people often think i’d spend most of my time studying non-stop, all day. Actually, i have got to admit this. I have to study, in other words, i have no choice but to study and get good grades in order to secure a scholarship. By the way, i love reading too. It’s actually a hobby. So, i don’t really complain a lot about studying. But, studying for exams sometimes makes my hobby looks less interesting.  That’s a true fact.

I love mixing with people who don’t really know me. Those who know nothing about my academic performance in school. You know why? Coz it’s fun. No pressure at all. Well, these of course are my tuition buddies.. it’s like kindergarden friends, stay true and just be yourself, my silly self. It’s awesome to stay silly and funny. In school, i don’t often get to do this, especially in front of the teachers. They’ll be totally amazed to know my this anti-serious side. This year, i’ve changed a lot. Began to don’t care of what the teachers might think of me, as long as i’m happy with who i am. So what, if i’m not the role model? so what? I’m not anyway, no teachers would like my so-called attitude i guess. haha. 

Speaking of my tuition buddies, i remembered there was one day, she suddenly asked me if i was the top student in school.. and i said ‘yea, sometimes nia la’.. she was like ‘ WOW, why you didn’t tell me at all?’ and i was like, ‘ do i have to? it’s just something not so important, why should i brag about it? aiya, it’s not important anyway,’. She said her friends, who was previously my schoolmate, told her about it. And i was so damn excited when she told me she totally wasn’t aware that i’m one of those students, as, i’m very humble and true, treats everybody equally. She even thanked God for knowing a person like me. Exaggerating right? Lol. I just wanna say, thanks~ It’s kind of her to say that. 

Uhm right, to those who regret of befriending me, i thank you so much too. You’ve made me a better person. I even praised you in front of somebody else. Just that you wouldn’t care to notice at all, coz to you, i’m just an evil tsu huey. It’s okay to me as I’m true to myself and to you. And, i’d say something straight-forwardly, to your face instead of backstabbing you, which i hate so much. May you always be well and happy. May you find joy and happiness in bad-mouthing me. Thank you for being a part in my life. Thank you for regarding me as such person. You know nothing about me, and honestly, i feel thankful for being true to myself and everybody.

Time’s up, biology time..  what do you think huh? haha

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Stronger

November 21, 2009 at 2:44 am · Filed under Uncategorized

Sometimes, i just wish that i’m stronger than what i am now. I need to be stronger, i should not break down. 

At least, i will learn to be strong and bold. This is who i am. A person who always tries to improve herself. Whenever you see her, you’ll feel that she is even better at the moment. I wanna be such person. 

I hate being in a state of uncertain. That’s the point when i’m totally weak. So, from now onwards, my every move will be filled with aim and hope. I’ve set my aims, and i need to believe in myself more and get going.. 

And, i’m talking to God more often now. Seeking for my inner peace… please enlighten me from time to time, and listen to what i’ve to say. please.

I will be stronger i swear.

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愛一直存在

November 5, 2009 at 6:23 am · Filed under Uncategorized

爱，从来都不存在。我独自一个人走我该走的路。

当我看到朋友一个个都找到他们的爱时，羡慕吗？还好啦。祝福她们！

从来都不会为这种事烦恼。很可怜的我，连一个暗恋的人都没有。以前，至少还有一个人在心里面，有空时就想一想他。现在，我的心就留给爸妈，姐妹，朋友们。感觉好轻松。 

我好想用我的力量来协助别人，我有一股冲动想到世界各地，去关怀别人。但，我也很希望被关怀，可是我就是每次当别人问我有没有事时，我会说：“我okay”.其实，我一点都不okay.我痛说不出来！我就是喜欢假强！真是失败！我活该的。

做事情时，我会很用心去做。这也是笨蛋。因为有做工的人，被骂，被误会。反而，一点贡献都没有的人，只有一张嘴的人，他们反而过得很好。对，我就是不会说话，那又怎样？我笨蛋！

我发现我不会表达自己，我觉得有时候很辛苦。我好想有人了解我。可是我会坚强的！我okay!有人懂吗？我okay!

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累了,无所谓了.

October 28, 2009 at 10:35 pm · Filed under Uncategorized

这两个星期,简直是这五年以来最难过的.

我不会强词夺理,我一向来就不善于沟通.我只会照着道理,证据,有话直说. 我也会伤心,可是我也许不会让任何人知道.我也许觉得委屈,只好把这感觉吃进去肚里.无所谓,我相信人在做,天在看.我对得起自己,解释给别人..不必了.我的话没有这样多.明白我,懂我的人,根本不需要我的任何解释.

我只想过完我的中学生活.它,尤其这两个星期,让我领悟了很多道理. 好的朋友,需要以时间来看透. 很开心,这样的朋友,我有. 我也觉悟,妈说得对.. 世上有种种的人.quote adoria, ‘life is not a bed of roses’. 我明白了。以后，我会很小心地交朋友。

这几天，真的很累。 应该会去跟树讲话吧！还是，Bodhi Tree is the best!

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Lonely?

October 22, 2009 at 7:05 am · Filed under Uncategorized

Standing alone doesn’t mean that I’m lonely. Walking alone doesn’t imply that I need anybody else beside me. Being mute doesn’t mean that I have nobody to talk to.  It’s just my personality. You might think that i’m a lonely single lady. But, actually I’m not. A person walking on her own path, i have my shadow to accompany me. I never ever want to rely on anybody.. coz when that person is gone, i realize, again, i will have to be on my own. And that sucks! So, it’s better to remind myself to stand on my own feet everytime. Then, i will never ever feel lonely again… it feels great now !

Recently, i fall in love with a voice.. it calms and heals my soul, it temperates my heart.. feels alive listening to a voice like his. I have become a big fan of super junior don’t know since when.. especially, cho kyu-hyun’s voice. Just, so so so nice. so touched by his voice, makes me occupied and not lonely at all. i just wish that there’d be a super junior concert in m’sia and i’ll be there for sure… a voice like that kills me immediately.. 

He’s already gone, and i’ve moved on, i guess.

Extremely happy to receive the biology award next week. Coz that’s what i want… i still cried at home a few weeks ago, coz i din score the highest for biology this term.. but when i saw my name on the list, i couldn’t suppress my feeling, just felt so lucky and grateful! keep smiling like a psycho for the whole day… siao eh.. I want the biology award so much because .. i wanna be a doc… bio is my fav subject leh…my life~ thanks God. haha, love you so so so much! muaks! hooray!

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My Autobiography

October 2, 2009 at 5:02 am · Filed under Tagged

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Peace

September 29, 2009 at 4:47 am · Filed under Uncategorized

spm is coming soon yo! can’t wait.. 

so, i’m gonna commit myself to books for this whole month; graduation dinner, i will try my best to help but no promises, i think i have wasted many hours doing those stuffs, i know many of us are too, but i just can’t stand lookin at those who don’t even help out. so, that’s it. i’m done with it. And, it just somehow so sick to look at some people who constantly criticize and use a rather harsh tone to speak to us. hey, i just wanna say, we’re only human beings, can you at least just know how to be a head and tell us i appreciate what you have done till now, but it’d be better if…….  so not in the situation.

results, suck! not that i din get A or what, just that i still can do better than this. therefore, keep on working. stand up when you fall. and everytime i fall, i learn something. worth it! sad for a few hours enough ald, just move on, get back on the track again. i’m gonna buy buy buy many books and finish them all i swear! cut down my entertainment time allocation etc etc… and work my ass out of it, esp chinese. 

What i’ve been doing lately–swimming. hehe, super extra nice.. trying to smile everyday, but still can stand la. Suddenly thought of one person, haha, don’t know how she’s doing. miss her so much! i think she’s the only one who can earn my smile now. 

Learn to appreciate everything, how people helped you, how everybody teaches you and listens to you. if you don’t appreciate what i’ve done, it’s okay. If you don’t understand i’ve assisted you wholeheartedly, it’s okay. But, things will never be the same cause you have taken me for granted and– I’M DONE, SO LONG! Forgive and forget, easier to be said than done. Just don’t care and let it be, not gonna waste my time thinking bout these. not gonna make myself sad for thinking bout it. Just be happy and try not to care too much. coz  it’s not worth it. i’m not gonna emulate your example coz i was taught to appreciate things and people surround me. PEACE!

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败犬女王

September 22, 2009 at 4:52 pm · Filed under Entertainment

谁说单身就是败犬  在我心中你是 女王。

只有全速奔驰，才是有价值的人生。

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TOMORROWt

September 18, 2009 at 7:16 am · Filed under Uncategorized

nice photos? KLCC and ‘the flutist’ were taken when I followed dad and mum to kuala lumpur not long ago. and the ‘i-sports’ photo was taken by me this afternoon at Island Hospital…while i accompanied mum to do her follow-ups with her bone issues. according to her, she did her physio there too. the i-sports centre at island hospital does look like a gymnasium a lot, interesting! 

i feel alive walking in a hospital, hahaha.. it’s a dream, a hope, a future. just pray that it’ll turn real soon. this feeling is growing stronger day by day.. i’m on my path there… 

MY PRESENT AIMS:

before 20 years old,

- secure a scholarship to ease my family’s financial burden! and be the first grandDAUGHTER to be a scholar. 

before 30 years old, 

-be a medical officer–complete my housemanship–further my studies to specialise in heart– and finally become a surgeon!

before 40 years old,

- help mum to realize her dream, i know she wants to travel to the seven wonders of the world. we have only completed one–great wall of china. THE rest, i will help you mummy! I HOPE THAT I CAN !

- ABOUT DAD, ERR..？ HE  LIKES FARMING A LOT. BUT I’M NOT SURE WHETHER I’M CAPABLE OF BUYING A LAND…think bout this later, coz not practical. hehe

- i wanna serve and help in ‘negara dunia ketiga’.. eg, africa… or if there’s a need for help in any places such as taiwan, india, …..or even in malaysia. i’d be there. i wanna open my eyes, and look at the other part of the world- the not so fortunate areas. i wan to spread my love to those who are in need of it, they need it more than i do. i should be there for these people and grasp a better meaning of ‘life’. 

before 50 years old,

- backpacking and go around the whole world travelling!!!! sounds impossible.. but i’ll see later!

hahahaha, it’s so funny to think of all these.. but at least there’re loads of things waiting for me to accomplish, one by one.. dreams and hopes are my force, driving me to hang on and keep working! all the best!

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烦

September 18, 2009 at 6:37 am · Filed under Uncategorized

烦, 很烦.. 所以这几天都干脆 把电话关了.从来都没那么烦过. 我现在什么都不想 想.只想好好地静一静,把头脑, 心灵都冷静下来. li fern, perhaps i should go for retreat now? and sorry ya ws, these few days cannot contact me bout the grad dinner thinggie. 

so, i went to swim today, only managed a few lapse coz the pool at the club was flooded with people. without warm ups, my knees and arms are currently in pain. 

okay, i have a confession to make here. I didn’t attend any of mr b’s lessons this month. let me count, including today, 1, 2, 3,4.. i was absent for four times!! he must be disappointed with my behaviour. not to mention, i’m pretty disappointed with myself too. having conflict with myself now, what are you thinking panda? what are you doing? since when have you become so irrational and irresponsible? since when? aren’t you the 乖乖学生？ 

part of me just don’t feel like going to his lessons anymore; again i know i’m doing the wrong thing. i know.but, I’M TIRED OF LIVING UNDER somebody else’s shadow. i’m tired of forcing myself to be perfect because i’m not. i’m sick of all the stereotypes given by anybody else.

So i have made the biggest mistake in my life– i’m quitting. not going to bell anymore! not taking CAE anymore though mum has paid for the fee. call me a quitter! chicken! wateva, i just wan a change! as long as i take my english seriously, nobody would deprive me from success even if i stop my lessons at bell. it’s time to be on my own now! 

痛！痛！痛！痛了就要喊！！ 我现在就要为了自己而活，别人的眼光或对我的期望，很抱歉。这是我的人生，我不能时时都顺着你们所规定的路去走，因为我想走出我自己的人生。我不想在以后才后悔。。长痛不如短痛，做了决定，以后的路就要勇敢的走下去。时间会证明我的选择是否对或错。

这烦恼也该就此结束。加油！熊猫！走出来！别再为了不要伤害老师而勉强自己！痛够了吗？

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